Our Scars - My Double Mastectomy Tattoo
When my daughter was a year old, she fell and split her nose open. It was a horrific scene. She had four stitches across that little baby button nose of hers. Walking down the aisle of my brother's wedding three days later, we will always have pictures of that poor little munchkin in her gorgeous dress, but a face full of stitches. Now, though her scar is faded, it still remains. Most people don’t notice it, but of course we always know it’s there. When she has a suntan, her scar is more visible and she sometimes makes a comment about it.
A few months before my diagnosis of cancer Alessia Cara came out with her song "Scars to your beautiful". This song got big around the time of my surgery, and my kids now say that it’s my song. Not only am I scarred from my mastectomy, but I have two scars around my clavicle from my port-o-cath I had during chemo, four scars from my hysterectomy, and four scars from my drains. I hate those port-o-cath scars, a constant reminder of my chemotherapy. My veins were tired and painful from having so many chemotherapies and blood tests, that I underwent a procedure to put this port in so my chemo goes directly there instead of poking me for IVs. The port scars are visible in almost every shirt I wear. While my surgery represents me overcoming cancer, the port is surrounded by pain and suffering. My kids were so happy when the port was removed. Though it was under my skin, my son was scared of it. It was sensitive to the touch, and the kids had to be careful when snuggling me.
When "Scars to your Beautiful" comes on the radio, my kids sing (with mostly the wrong lyrics of course) at the top of their lungs. To my kids, my scars represent happiness. They are proud of their mommy's battle wounds. Those scars are proof that mommy beat cancer.
I don’t know whether it’s the song, my scars, or both, but my daughter has recently embraced her scar. She started calling it "our song" as is proud of her scar. Her scar tells a story, and she loves to tell it.
With so many songs out there that are inappropriate for little kids, I love the message this song has. My daughter is breath-takingly beautiful. She has thick long dark hair down to her bum, big beautiful blue eyes, and deep dimples in her cheeks. She is mini, but has an explosive personality that makes her the center of attention wherever she goes. My daughter's face is beautiful. My daughter's scar is beautiful.
None of us are perfect. We have scars and stretch marks and all sorts of imperfections. Our scars are beautiful. It is time we embrace them.